I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i dont even know how to be here
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
