Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
