Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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