wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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