all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
