eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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