I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
