I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
