I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
