yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
