Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
