dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
