I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
