OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
