just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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