ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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