apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
