Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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