I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
