Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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