hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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