Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
