So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
