he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
