I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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