she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
