dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
