Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
