What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
