I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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