at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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