Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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