just tell him i said nine months
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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