whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
