I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
