We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
