I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize