I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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