We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
