just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
nutella sex= disaster
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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