Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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