i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
