I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
