u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The uberlube is also flammable
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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