I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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