Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
