Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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