just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
FUCK WHALES
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
