I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
