yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
