your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
