Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
