I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
