This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
