Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They took my balls.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
