Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What happened to fro yo and sex?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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