apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
