You're a womanizer and a bitch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
