Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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