Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
