So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
