college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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