He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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