Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm too high and old for this...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My life is pants optional.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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