he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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