Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
