her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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