Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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