I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
