she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
