Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
